Love and Loss

Forty-Four
from the Tao de Ching

Fame or self: Which matters more?
Self or Wealth: Which is more Precious?
Gain or Loss: Which is more painful?

I believe that this section from passage forty-four on page 46 is talking about comparisons. Such as in the first sentence where it says which is more important fame or self. This is saying which is more important in life; to have others know and love you or knowing and loving yourself? I believe that in order for others to truly know and accept you, you must first acknowledge yourself. For if you cannot love yourself how can you expect others to love you. In life people tend to focus more on how others see them and what others opinions of them are, instead of listening to themselves. They let others steer the direction that there lives take rather than taking the wheel themselves. In doing so they are letting others dictate there lives for them. Having fame and fortune... what good does that do you at the end of the day. If you're always worried about pleasing others then your life is not really your own anymore and all that wealth that you have built up and all of that fame you've created for yourself are just a mask. Despite all that you may have, material goods will only get you so far, but when you truly can understand yourself that is when you are truly a wealthy man. For holding wealth in oneself is worth more than money can buy.

Which is more painful, gain or loss, is a very interesting question. People have been trying to come up with an answer to this for a long time. To me this sounds like a well known phrase, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." But is that really true? Someone who once had everything, a loving family and friends, then lost it all would say that the pain of loosing them was so great that it would have been better if they'd never met at all. However, a person in the same/similar situation may say that even though it hurts, they are grateful of the time they had to spend together with their loved ones. Then there is the person who never had anything to begin with, no one to love and no one to love them, and they would feel that anyone in the world who had this love was luckier than they were and wish for nothing more than for a friend or loved one. Now imagine if you lost all of your family and friends in a tragic accident. How would you feel? Would the pain in your heart be so intense that you'd wish to have never had anything to begin with so that you wouldn't feel the pain of the loss? Then imagine that you grew up with nothing; no mother, no father, no family of any kind to love you. How does it feel? Do you feel empty, like something's missing?

In my personal opinion, I think that the saying holds true; that it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all, because without ever feeling that love you have a hollow empty void that's waiting to be filled. However, after having that love and loosing it, the pain can be so crippling that you would believe the empty numbness of the hollow void where you were never loved is better than the loss you feel. But I believe that loss is better because then you have known love and you have all of those fond memories to look back upon, even if you suffer for them.

This then leads into the next part of the passage.

He who is attached to things will suffer much.
He who saves will suffer heavy loss.

When we grow attached to things we feel the pain of their loss. It doesn't matter how long you've known it or what it is, if it has a place in your heart you will feel it's absence. Despite this, we continue to let ourselves become attached to things, even though we know that we will eventually have to let them go at some point and we know the pain that that will cause. If you don't become attached to anything you will never know the pain of loss but you will never know the joy of love either. It's a gamble but in most cases it's worth the risk.

A contented man is never disappointed
He who knows when to stop does not find himself in trouble.
He will stay forever safe.

A person needs to know themselves so that they can know their boundaries. By knowing ones boundaries and limits then they will theoretically know when to stop and thus stay out of trouble. By staying out of trouble a man will stay safe but if one does not test their limits now and then, than how can they truly know what boundaries they have and what keeps them from from achieving their goals. A man can easily stay safe if he locks himself away and shies away from trouble but then that man will never truly experience life.