Confusion

I don't understand.... Every time I think that I'm starting to understand pieces of these Buddhist or Taoist ideas I am struck with the realization that if I truly am simply pointing my finger at the moon then I am learning almost nothing. If we cannot understand these Eastern philosophies by speaking about them, criticizing them, researching and confirming them, then there's only one other option, right? It comes down to faith. Either you are interested enough in it or you or believe that what the Buddha or other important figures in these philosophies have to say is true, which inspires you to live it. This constantly paradoxical or circular reasoning is pointing me in the direction of faith.

Example: Yin and Yang. Opposite, equal. But ideas such as existence and non-existence are not opposite and equal, because there is something beyond them, a lack of either but also a combination of the two? That's what I'm reading from the handout on the reading "No Death, No Fear". So what does this tell me other than my inability to understand it until I let go and accept it? Is it telling me that yin and yang are also part of something bigger than the two and that there is no such thing as good and evil? If this is all true then the world as we see it is fake. Why is it this way? Why do we not simply live the truth..why do we not already understand nirvana or the Tao? What is this blind world we are a part of? MOST importantly, how or why did we get to be this way? ....If any of this is true then there must have been someone or something to mold life and us in this way. No?
And if our non-existence is true, then why do we still exist physically? Why don't people just go "poof!", "disappear", and become part of the ultimate dimension when they achieve enlightenment?

The waves. I would agree with this analogy if it were speaking of accepting the fact that we will die some day. But it goes further than that to say that we are simply going to become part of the greater picture, of all living and non living things. It says that we are nirvana. What I used to think of when I heard "Nirvana" was an idea similar to "heaven"; ultimate peace and joy and a lack of any fear, pain, and suffering. But Thich Nhat Hanh says that "...we do not have to look for our ultimate dimension or nirvana, because we are nirvana..." If we are nirvana, then we either don't realize it, or nirvana isn't anything close to heaven. And if we simply don't realize it, then why don't we? Are we not supposed to? Are we supposed to undergo this critical thinking and acceptance in faith? Why? Did someone make it that way?

There are alot of concepts in this handout.